Hiding how bad my health is has started to take its toll.
Late Night/Early Morning Introspections
- I’m a generally okay person.
- I have an unhealthy obsession with drag queens.
- I want what I can’t have and often sacrifice things that “don’t live up to my expectations.”
- I have some of the greatest people in my life.
- Sometimes animal can love you more than people can.
- Early morning news anchors are way too cheery for how early they work.
- I am horrible when it comes to planning my own life but I have the ability handle all of the scheduling details of a small country on my own.
- Despite what medical professionals have to say, sleep is not something that is required until you have reached 30ish hours of deprivation.
I can’t think of all the others things that came to me while i was on this acquisition of self knowledge. Should i remember I’ll be sure to edit this insignificant post.
Donesky
We all have our own life goals but often we forget that life has its own goals and agendas. All life wants to do is clothesline you and then curb stomp the shit out of you.
Oh PS,
I don’t have a hole in my heart. Which means that I get to start neurological testing and testing for autoimmune diseases.
This group of people keeps me going.
You’re angry because I spent time with my friends.
That’s fastest way to make me leave.
This illness is killing me.
It’s slowly leeching everything out of me and the doctors don’t even know what it is. I can’t even see a specialist for three to five months, lets hope I don’t die before that because I had the most uncomfortable conversation with my mom about my healthcare should I not be able to speak for myself.
I just need to get this out
So i had a blood test done the other day.
My vitamin D was so low it didn’t even register on the blood test so now I’m taking 50,000 iu of vitamin D once a week for eight weeks. (let’s just ignore the fact that this treatment has been known to cause toxicity in the blood.)
I just found out that it’s probably going to make me feel worse than i have for the last eighteen months.
This is just the start of something and to be quite honest, i don’t want to deal with any of this. Whatever is happening to me is bad and it’s going to take too long to figure it out.
I have a hickey the size of Africa and everyone keeps staring at it.
Oddly enough. I’m okay with it.
My dad might be going to Israel for work!
And I might get to go with him!
Let’s hope this all works out.
I promised myself that I would never feel this way about someone again. Yet, here we are.
I have a hard time seeing how tings are going to go from here.
12:06 AM
And i am currently looking up flights to London.
I feel trapped where i am now and i just want to be free.
Some people call it running away, I’m one of those people but, a little cardio does the body good!
Yes, that was a metaphor.
